[The patting is such a nice, repetitive motion that Fern starts getting a tiny bit worried it's going to lull him back to sleep. Now that he's awake he should really try and stay awake until Varian goes back to bed....]
Huh. [That's definitely something to think about.] I survived getting my head chopped off, so I bet he is.
[Makes sense to him!]
Before I tried to chop Finn's head off we went through... not really any of the virtues, but as a prank we did some of his birthday games. He thought playing those would make us square after he cut my head off.
[Good luck getting Varian to actually sleep properly, Fern. Chances are the grassy boy will fall asleep before the human one. ]
That's what I was thinking. The stories match up quite a lot - which is weird because you guys wouldn't have had access to that text. It's really old in my time, by the time you hit your time, I'd imagine it would have been pretty much forgotten.
[The back-pats turn into back-rubs which probably doesn't help with Fern's sleepiness.]
Because somehow playing birthday games equals cutting someone's head off? Like, did he realise it wouldn't have killed you? Because that would make it worse.
[The backrub does not help at all, and Fern makes another noise like a yawn.]
Maybe they were copying me. [That isn't how time works, Fern.] He thought I was Jake pranking him so no, he didn't think he was gonna kill me. Jake showed up right after he did it, though. [He grins sleepily.] The look on his face was priiiiceless.
[Varian doesn't seem to mind. Now he's got the vastly important!!! information out of his system, he's belatedly realised he's actually woken up his poor boyfriend from some much-needed sleep like a complete ass. So he'll keep with the soothing backrub to try and make up for it.]
That's not how time works, Fern.
[He had to say it, he had to. Still, that makes sense, from his understanding of Jake, he would have survived having his head chopped off. He smiles a little, leaning in to press a kiss at the top of Fern's head.]
Oh, I bet it was. How long did you keep him hanging there, thinking he'd committed murder?
[While it doesn't completely make up for yanking him out of sleep in the middle of the night, the backrub is still really nice.]
Shhhh, time is an illusion.
[And he is too tired to think any harder about it.
He grins a little at the kiss.]
Not very long. Jake showed up right after he cut my head off. I figured if I was gonna do the same to him I needed to move fast, so I stuck it back on right after. Peebs sent her Banana Guards after me so I had to take care of 'em, too.
[He'll find much better ways to make up for it later. He chuckles softly.]
If you say so~
[He isn't impressed with that reaction, though. He shouldn't be surprised, but it's still irritating.]
Of course. Gotta save precious little Finn, even if he literally just chopped someone's head off. Hey, Finn, here's a lesson for you- if you don't want to face the consequences of chopping someone's head off, maybe don't chop someone's head off.
[Aw, there are a lot of things he did back home that he regrets, but he isn't quite at that place where anything involving Finn is on the list. So seeing Varian's reaction makes him grin wider, happy that he has someone on his side when it comes to Finn.]
Don't worry, I got him back by playing a bunch of carnival games with him and making him lose like crazy. It really messed him up, he wasn't even gonna fight back when I was about to chop his head off.
[Varian will always take Fern's side when it comes to Finn. He's never met the guy and all he knows from him is how he continually screwed over Fern. It's not a good look.]
Wow, is he really that sore a loser that he can't even conceive that he might not win at everything ever? You definitely ended up a lot better than him.
[Thank you forever for your extremely biased opinion, boyfriendo. Fern snorts a little.]
... Well, I had to cheat to beat him at one game. [Because Finn is just Better Than Him and that's the sad reality.] But I beat him fair and square at arm wrestling. He's really weak compared to me.
Again, he literally chopped your head off. I think that's allowable. [He pats Fern's back.] See? You've got plenty going on that's more impressive than him.
[He smiles fleetingly at the kiss. Honestly, he doesn't feel any better- the sense of impending doom hasn't gone away. His chest still feels tight and anxious, he wants nothing more than to curl up and go to sleep like this, with Fern resting against him. But he knows it's not going to happen.
He also knows better than to lie about it to his boyfriend. ]
Not really. Everything is still just...there. The whole... weird feeling. [He wishes he could explain it better, maybe if he could understand it more, he'd be able to tackle it better. ] I've been talking to some other Sleepers about it. I... it looks like it might be because of the blood I've got. Other coldbloods [god, that still feels weird to say] have been dealing with the same symptoms. Sooooo at least it's not just me? Yay.
[Wu had given him some good advice, but he's...working up to that. It's a lot. ]
[As much of a mood killer as it is, Fern is glad Varian is being honest here. It would be so easy to lie and let things get worse - this is the harder route, but it's the better one in the long run.
And hey, it sounds like progress has been made. Fern raises his eyebrow at the mention of blood - that's news to him - and even looks a little eager.]
That's great! I mean - it's still not great-great, but if it's your blood then maybe you can do something to your blood to fix it! We could talk to Eddie, or - or see if any other coldbloods figured out some way to calm down, and give it a try!
[This information means they might have more options available to them than they thought.]
[They are going in the right direction, at least. It's not great-great, but there's a way out of all the darkness and Varian's going to grip that as tightly as possible. ]
Yeah, if there's at least a common cause, then that means there should be a common remedy too. You'd...uh, hope, anyway.
[He hesitates a moment more, before clearing his throat, a blush tinging his cheeks a little.]
Uh. Wu suggested something like a massage might help? He said that always helped him relax.
[Fern nods excitedly. That's it, common cause, common remedy! They don't have a lot of hope here, and Fern feels like they've been stumbling around in the dark, so any potential light is a good one.
Massage, however, is not a solution he's expecting to hear. He sits up fully, his mind jumping straight to whether that would be a good way to relax. It totally seems like it would be, so he's on board.]
Hey, yeah! That's a great idea!
[Aaaand his common sense catches up with his brain. This is Varian they're talking about - Varian who isn't super great with the intimacy thing. Varian and his issues with having his shirt off. His cheeks darken several shades.]
Um, that is - if you're cool with it. We - we could totally try it sometime, if you want.
[Fern being immediately receptive to the idea does ease some of Varian's concerns. After their last conversation about this subject, he was worried Fern would shut him down completely. He's still nervous- but this had taken the edge of the dread part of the nervousness.
He chuckles awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. ]
Y-yeah. I'm cool with it. Still...kinda nervous about it, but I don't want it to be A Thing forever, y'know? [One of his hands moves to grip Fern's. Firm, confident in this at least:] I trust you with that. I... know I'm safe with you.
[It could be a good step forward for Varian, no doubts there. It... could also be hugely disastrous, and given it's both of them that seems likely. But trying is also worthwhile. Varian isn't going to get any better if they don't try.
He smiles gently, gripping Varian's hand in return, his free hand settling on his boyfriend's cheek.]
Your trust is the most important thing to me. I love you, and I'm gonna do my best to not screw it all up.
[He disagrees wholeheartedly, though Fern knows better to argue with Varian on this topic. It's a self-loathing thing, and they don't argue about those kinds of matters. Instead he just snorts.]
And let you stay up the rest of the night? C'mon. Either we both sleep or neither of us sleep.
[They both act as each other's self-worth. It's a trick they've been doing for a long time now, might as well continue. At that comment, Varian leans his head back on the pillows, groaning audibly.]
Fern, that's not fair. You can sleep, there's a big difference here.
[It's rude, it's so rude. But he sighs, sinking a little lower so he's lying on the bed, pulling Fern with him. It's fine, he can still cuddle against him- maybe it'll lull him into sleep, who knows.]
[Yeah, it's unfair, and he really would like to go back to sleep. Buuut he knows if he does Varian will just stay up all night, alone, and that's way worse than being tired in the morning.
He sniffs, settling down with the other boy, curling up with him.]
Okay. What if we talked about something you think's really boring? That always puts me to sleep.
[That's terrible logic, and Varian wouldn't like it at all. He hums softly at Fern's question, his hand moving to the other boy's hair, fingers threading through it idly. ]
There's not a lot I find boring. [Even magic has some interesting values, after all. Something he can study. ] ...What's so boring that it puts you to sleep?
[Oh, the petting is nice. Fern could just laze here and have Varian running his fingers through his hair all night.
He is, however, thrown off by that question.]
Uh -
[Well, science is the first thing that comes to him, but he knows better than to say that one out loud. Besides, there's occasionally fun science - mostly when Varian is involved.
So he stops, thinking for several long moments, then decides to go with:]
[Maybe Varian's trying to trick him into falling asleep. Maybe he's doing just that.
Science would have been a foolish, foolish answer and probably would have ended in A Lecture. He doesn't look super thrilled with math being the answer, scoffing lightly.]
You just can't accept how cool and exciting math can be. Have you ever calculated a factorial? It's the best time. You note them with an exclamation mark- you can't get more exciting than an exclamation mark. And you use them to find out all the probabilities, permutations and combinations for numbers. Like, did you know the n! for 12 is 479001600.
[He is definitely trying to trick Fern into falling asleep. He's just going to keep talking about factorials, keeping his voice in a low, steady cadence. ]
[Fern doesn't really suspect a thing. Varian asked a question, and he's trying to give an answer that isn't going to cause another argument that results in a year of 'I told you so's.
He's doomed. His eyes are already starting to glaze over.]
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Huh. [That's definitely something to think about.] I survived getting my head chopped off, so I bet he is.
[Makes sense to him!]
Before I tried to chop Finn's head off we went through... not really any of the virtues, but as a prank we did some of his birthday games. He thought playing those would make us square after he cut my head off.
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That's what I was thinking. The stories match up quite a lot - which is weird because you guys wouldn't have had access to that text. It's really old in my time, by the time you hit your time, I'd imagine it would have been pretty much forgotten.
[The back-pats turn into back-rubs which probably doesn't help with Fern's sleepiness.]
Because somehow playing birthday games equals cutting someone's head off? Like, did he realise it wouldn't have killed you? Because that would make it worse.
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Maybe they were copying me. [That isn't how time works, Fern.] He thought I was Jake pranking him so no, he didn't think he was gonna kill me. Jake showed up right after he did it, though. [He grins sleepily.] The look on his face was priiiiceless.
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That's not how time works, Fern.
[He had to say it, he had to. Still, that makes sense, from his understanding of Jake, he would have survived having his head chopped off. He smiles a little, leaning in to press a kiss at the top of Fern's head.]
Oh, I bet it was. How long did you keep him hanging there, thinking he'd committed murder?
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Shhhh, time is an illusion.
[And he is too tired to think any harder about it.
He grins a little at the kiss.]
Not very long. Jake showed up right after he cut my head off. I figured if I was gonna do the same to him I needed to move fast, so I stuck it back on right after. Peebs sent her Banana Guards after me so I had to take care of 'em, too.
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If you say so~
[He isn't impressed with that reaction, though. He shouldn't be surprised, but it's still irritating.]
Of course. Gotta save precious little Finn, even if he literally just chopped someone's head off. Hey, Finn, here's a lesson for you- if you don't want to face the consequences of chopping someone's head off, maybe don't chop someone's head off.
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Don't worry, I got him back by playing a bunch of carnival games with him and making him lose like crazy. It really messed him up, he wasn't even gonna fight back when I was about to chop his head off.
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Wow, is he really that sore a loser that he can't even conceive that he might not win at everything ever? You definitely ended up a lot better than him.
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... Well, I had to cheat to beat him at one game. [Because Finn is just Better Than Him and that's the sad reality.] But I beat him fair and square at arm wrestling. He's really weak compared to me.
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Again, he literally chopped your head off. I think that's allowable. [He pats Fern's back.] See? You've got plenty going on that's more impressive than him.
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[He smiles fleetingly at the kiss. Honestly, he doesn't feel any better- the sense of impending doom hasn't gone away. His chest still feels tight and anxious, he wants nothing more than to curl up and go to sleep like this, with Fern resting against him. But he knows it's not going to happen.
He also knows better than to lie about it to his boyfriend. ]
Not really. Everything is still just...there. The whole... weird feeling. [He wishes he could explain it better, maybe if he could understand it more, he'd be able to tackle it better. ] I've been talking to some other Sleepers about it. I... it looks like it might be because of the blood I've got. Other coldbloods [god, that still feels weird to say] have been dealing with the same symptoms. Sooooo at least it's not just me? Yay.
[Wu had given him some good advice, but he's...working up to that. It's a lot. ]
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And hey, it sounds like progress has been made. Fern raises his eyebrow at the mention of blood - that's news to him - and even looks a little eager.]
That's great! I mean - it's still not great-great, but if it's your blood then maybe you can do something to your blood to fix it! We could talk to Eddie, or - or see if any other coldbloods figured out some way to calm down, and give it a try!
[This information means they might have more options available to them than they thought.]
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Yeah, if there's at least a common cause, then that means there should be a common remedy too. You'd...uh, hope, anyway.
[He hesitates a moment more, before clearing his throat, a blush tinging his cheeks a little.]
Uh. Wu suggested something like a massage might help? He said that always helped him relax.
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Massage, however, is not a solution he's expecting to hear. He sits up fully, his mind jumping straight to whether that would be a good way to relax. It totally seems like it would be, so he's on board.]
Hey, yeah! That's a great idea!
[Aaaand his common sense catches up with his brain. This is Varian they're talking about - Varian who isn't super great with the intimacy thing. Varian and his issues with having his shirt off. His cheeks darken several shades.]
Um, that is - if you're cool with it. We - we could totally try it sometime, if you want.
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He chuckles awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. ]
Y-yeah. I'm cool with it. Still...kinda nervous about it, but I don't want it to be A Thing forever, y'know? [One of his hands moves to grip Fern's. Firm, confident in this at least:] I trust you with that. I... know I'm safe with you.
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He smiles gently, gripping Varian's hand in return, his free hand settling on his boyfriend's cheek.]
Your trust is the most important thing to me. I love you, and I'm gonna do my best to not screw it all up.
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I love you too, and you won't screw it up. You'll do great, I'm sure of it.
[He squeezes Fern's hand gently.]
You should get back to sleep, I've already woken you up once. You don't have to stay awake on my account.
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And let you stay up the rest of the night? C'mon. Either we both sleep or neither of us sleep.
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Fern, that's not fair. You can sleep, there's a big difference here.
[It's rude, it's so rude. But he sighs, sinking a little lower so he's lying on the bed, pulling Fern with him. It's fine, he can still cuddle against him- maybe it'll lull him into sleep, who knows.]
Okay. How about I promise I'll try? Again.
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He sniffs, settling down with the other boy, curling up with him.]
Okay. What if we talked about something you think's really boring? That always puts me to sleep.
[Maybe it'll help!]
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There's not a lot I find boring. [Even magic has some interesting values, after all. Something he can study. ] ...What's so boring that it puts you to sleep?
[Don't answer that, Fern, it's a trap.]
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He is, however, thrown off by that question.]
Uh -
[Well, science is the first thing that comes to him, but he knows better than to say that one out loud. Besides, there's occasionally fun science - mostly when Varian is involved.
So he stops, thinking for several long moments, then decides to go with:]
Math.
[That seems safe!!]
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Science would have been a foolish, foolish answer and probably would have ended in A Lecture. He doesn't look super thrilled with math being the answer, scoffing lightly.]
You just can't accept how cool and exciting math can be. Have you ever calculated a factorial? It's the best time. You note them with an exclamation mark- you can't get more exciting than an exclamation mark. And you use them to find out all the probabilities, permutations and combinations for numbers. Like, did you know the n! for 12 is 479001600.
[He is definitely trying to trick Fern into falling asleep. He's just going to keep talking about factorials, keeping his voice in a low, steady cadence. ]
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He's doomed. His eyes are already starting to glaze over.]
V, I understood like half of what you just said.
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