[As much of a mood killer as it is, Fern is glad Varian is being honest here. It would be so easy to lie and let things get worse - this is the harder route, but it's the better one in the long run.
And hey, it sounds like progress has been made. Fern raises his eyebrow at the mention of blood - that's news to him - and even looks a little eager.]
That's great! I mean - it's still not great-great, but if it's your blood then maybe you can do something to your blood to fix it! We could talk to Eddie, or - or see if any other coldbloods figured out some way to calm down, and give it a try!
[This information means they might have more options available to them than they thought.]
[They are going in the right direction, at least. It's not great-great, but there's a way out of all the darkness and Varian's going to grip that as tightly as possible. ]
Yeah, if there's at least a common cause, then that means there should be a common remedy too. You'd...uh, hope, anyway.
[He hesitates a moment more, before clearing his throat, a blush tinging his cheeks a little.]
Uh. Wu suggested something like a massage might help? He said that always helped him relax.
[Fern nods excitedly. That's it, common cause, common remedy! They don't have a lot of hope here, and Fern feels like they've been stumbling around in the dark, so any potential light is a good one.
Massage, however, is not a solution he's expecting to hear. He sits up fully, his mind jumping straight to whether that would be a good way to relax. It totally seems like it would be, so he's on board.]
Hey, yeah! That's a great idea!
[Aaaand his common sense catches up with his brain. This is Varian they're talking about - Varian who isn't super great with the intimacy thing. Varian and his issues with having his shirt off. His cheeks darken several shades.]
Um, that is - if you're cool with it. We - we could totally try it sometime, if you want.
[Fern being immediately receptive to the idea does ease some of Varian's concerns. After their last conversation about this subject, he was worried Fern would shut him down completely. He's still nervous- but this had taken the edge of the dread part of the nervousness.
He chuckles awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. ]
Y-yeah. I'm cool with it. Still...kinda nervous about it, but I don't want it to be A Thing forever, y'know? [One of his hands moves to grip Fern's. Firm, confident in this at least:] I trust you with that. I... know I'm safe with you.
[It could be a good step forward for Varian, no doubts there. It... could also be hugely disastrous, and given it's both of them that seems likely. But trying is also worthwhile. Varian isn't going to get any better if they don't try.
He smiles gently, gripping Varian's hand in return, his free hand settling on his boyfriend's cheek.]
Your trust is the most important thing to me. I love you, and I'm gonna do my best to not screw it all up.
[He disagrees wholeheartedly, though Fern knows better to argue with Varian on this topic. It's a self-loathing thing, and they don't argue about those kinds of matters. Instead he just snorts.]
And let you stay up the rest of the night? C'mon. Either we both sleep or neither of us sleep.
[They both act as each other's self-worth. It's a trick they've been doing for a long time now, might as well continue. At that comment, Varian leans his head back on the pillows, groaning audibly.]
Fern, that's not fair. You can sleep, there's a big difference here.
[It's rude, it's so rude. But he sighs, sinking a little lower so he's lying on the bed, pulling Fern with him. It's fine, he can still cuddle against him- maybe it'll lull him into sleep, who knows.]
[Yeah, it's unfair, and he really would like to go back to sleep. Buuut he knows if he does Varian will just stay up all night, alone, and that's way worse than being tired in the morning.
He sniffs, settling down with the other boy, curling up with him.]
Okay. What if we talked about something you think's really boring? That always puts me to sleep.
[That's terrible logic, and Varian wouldn't like it at all. He hums softly at Fern's question, his hand moving to the other boy's hair, fingers threading through it idly. ]
There's not a lot I find boring. [Even magic has some interesting values, after all. Something he can study. ] ...What's so boring that it puts you to sleep?
[Oh, the petting is nice. Fern could just laze here and have Varian running his fingers through his hair all night.
He is, however, thrown off by that question.]
Uh -
[Well, science is the first thing that comes to him, but he knows better than to say that one out loud. Besides, there's occasionally fun science - mostly when Varian is involved.
So he stops, thinking for several long moments, then decides to go with:]
[Maybe Varian's trying to trick him into falling asleep. Maybe he's doing just that.
Science would have been a foolish, foolish answer and probably would have ended in A Lecture. He doesn't look super thrilled with math being the answer, scoffing lightly.]
You just can't accept how cool and exciting math can be. Have you ever calculated a factorial? It's the best time. You note them with an exclamation mark- you can't get more exciting than an exclamation mark. And you use them to find out all the probabilities, permutations and combinations for numbers. Like, did you know the n! for 12 is 479001600.
[He is definitely trying to trick Fern into falling asleep. He's just going to keep talking about factorials, keeping his voice in a low, steady cadence. ]
[Fern doesn't really suspect a thing. Varian asked a question, and he's trying to give an answer that isn't going to cause another argument that results in a year of 'I told you so's.
He's doomed. His eyes are already starting to glaze over.]
[Varian smiles faintly, he can see it's working. Good. He carries on, not explaining anything, because that's... rather the point.]
And then you look at zero which is really neat, because you can't really multiply zero by anything, so you make it one. Even if one is also one. So essentially you have two ones. You can use factorials to work out all sorts of things, too. Like you can use it to work out how many seconds are in a week, so like sixty times sixty times twenty-four times seven times six, and then you have to factor in some other numbers...
[He's just continuing with a long stream of numbers and calculations, all the while not letting his voice raise above the quiet, calm tone he has going on, despite the fact this is actually a pretty exciting subject for him. Sorry, Fern, he's doing this because he loves you. ]
[Oh no, no no no this is the opposite of what he wants. He frowns a little at the continued math, but Glob it's soooo boring. He's doomed, he stands no chance against the onslaught of incredibly boring math talk.
It doesn't take long at all before he conks out, falling back asleep. You win this round, Varian!!]
[Victory is his!!!! Varian looks pretty pleased with this.
Of course, with Fern sleeping cuddled onto him, he can't actually go anywhere - so at least this means he stays in bed and dozes. It's not actual rest, his brain still won't shut off enough for that, but he can't anxiously stalk around the house either. Maybe they're both winners.
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And hey, it sounds like progress has been made. Fern raises his eyebrow at the mention of blood - that's news to him - and even looks a little eager.]
That's great! I mean - it's still not great-great, but if it's your blood then maybe you can do something to your blood to fix it! We could talk to Eddie, or - or see if any other coldbloods figured out some way to calm down, and give it a try!
[This information means they might have more options available to them than they thought.]
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Yeah, if there's at least a common cause, then that means there should be a common remedy too. You'd...uh, hope, anyway.
[He hesitates a moment more, before clearing his throat, a blush tinging his cheeks a little.]
Uh. Wu suggested something like a massage might help? He said that always helped him relax.
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Massage, however, is not a solution he's expecting to hear. He sits up fully, his mind jumping straight to whether that would be a good way to relax. It totally seems like it would be, so he's on board.]
Hey, yeah! That's a great idea!
[Aaaand his common sense catches up with his brain. This is Varian they're talking about - Varian who isn't super great with the intimacy thing. Varian and his issues with having his shirt off. His cheeks darken several shades.]
Um, that is - if you're cool with it. We - we could totally try it sometime, if you want.
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He chuckles awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. ]
Y-yeah. I'm cool with it. Still...kinda nervous about it, but I don't want it to be A Thing forever, y'know? [One of his hands moves to grip Fern's. Firm, confident in this at least:] I trust you with that. I... know I'm safe with you.
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He smiles gently, gripping Varian's hand in return, his free hand settling on his boyfriend's cheek.]
Your trust is the most important thing to me. I love you, and I'm gonna do my best to not screw it all up.
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I love you too, and you won't screw it up. You'll do great, I'm sure of it.
[He squeezes Fern's hand gently.]
You should get back to sleep, I've already woken you up once. You don't have to stay awake on my account.
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And let you stay up the rest of the night? C'mon. Either we both sleep or neither of us sleep.
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Fern, that's not fair. You can sleep, there's a big difference here.
[It's rude, it's so rude. But he sighs, sinking a little lower so he's lying on the bed, pulling Fern with him. It's fine, he can still cuddle against him- maybe it'll lull him into sleep, who knows.]
Okay. How about I promise I'll try? Again.
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He sniffs, settling down with the other boy, curling up with him.]
Okay. What if we talked about something you think's really boring? That always puts me to sleep.
[Maybe it'll help!]
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There's not a lot I find boring. [Even magic has some interesting values, after all. Something he can study. ] ...What's so boring that it puts you to sleep?
[Don't answer that, Fern, it's a trap.]
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He is, however, thrown off by that question.]
Uh -
[Well, science is the first thing that comes to him, but he knows better than to say that one out loud. Besides, there's occasionally fun science - mostly when Varian is involved.
So he stops, thinking for several long moments, then decides to go with:]
Math.
[That seems safe!!]
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Science would have been a foolish, foolish answer and probably would have ended in A Lecture. He doesn't look super thrilled with math being the answer, scoffing lightly.]
You just can't accept how cool and exciting math can be. Have you ever calculated a factorial? It's the best time. You note them with an exclamation mark- you can't get more exciting than an exclamation mark. And you use them to find out all the probabilities, permutations and combinations for numbers. Like, did you know the n! for 12 is 479001600.
[He is definitely trying to trick Fern into falling asleep. He's just going to keep talking about factorials, keeping his voice in a low, steady cadence. ]
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He's doomed. His eyes are already starting to glaze over.]
V, I understood like half of what you just said.
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And then you look at zero which is really neat, because you can't really multiply zero by anything, so you make it one. Even if one is also one. So essentially you have two ones. You can use factorials to work out all sorts of things, too. Like you can use it to work out how many seconds are in a week, so like sixty times sixty times twenty-four times seven times six, and then you have to factor in some other numbers...
[He's just continuing with a long stream of numbers and calculations, all the while not letting his voice raise above the quiet, calm tone he has going on, despite the fact this is actually a pretty exciting subject for him. Sorry, Fern, he's doing this because he loves you. ]
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It doesn't take long at all before he conks out, falling back asleep. You win this round, Varian!!]
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Of course, with Fern sleeping cuddled onto him, he can't actually go anywhere - so at least this means he stays in bed and dozes. It's not actual rest, his brain still won't shut off enough for that, but he can't anxiously stalk around the house either. Maybe they're both winners.
(But he's totally seeing this as a win for him.)]