laminae | Kaisou Inbox

[Fern is indeed in the room, flopped on his bed with a comic book in his hands. At Varian's question though, he lowers it and looks over.]

Yeah! Just reading. What's up?

[Varian moves to sit beside him on the bed, clasping and unclasping his hands nervously. Okay hm. How to broach this.]

Uh... so. Me and Amal just... had a talk.

[Oh yeah, he's WINNING at this already. ]

[He can already tell something is going on, and had a talk practically screams it. Fern is looking more than a little worried.]

... Did you blow something of his up?

[Are you in trouble boyfriendo.]

What?

[Varian blinks in confusion, before laughing, shaking his hands.]

No no, I haven't blown anything of his up! It's not a bad talk. Super opposite of that. He um- he actually offered to be my legal guardian here. Like...uh- adopt me properly?

[He's still reeling from that. The idea someone wants him like that, that Amal is actively choosing to be his parent. It's a confidence boost he's desperately needed.]

I um... I know nothing can replace my real dad, but he's not here and I- it was really cool of him to offer.

Oh.

[Ohhhhhhhhh, he would have never guessed anything like that. Usually when adults want to talk it's because you're in trouble, or whatever. This is the opposite? Varian seems pretty happy about it, anyways.]

Uh, yeah! Really cool, I guess. [He... may or may not be thinking about all the attempted father figures in his life who weren't Joshua, and how bad they all turned out, so he's a little cautious.] You gonna take him up on it?

[Varian has a lot of nervous energy about this. It's a GOOD thing, a great thing, but after the last few months of living in a pretty dark pit of self-loathing and stress, this is not the life-saving rope he was expecting.]

It's- it's more than I thought I'd ever deserve, really. After... all the mess I've made. And-and I know he loves me a lot, and I love him too. He's a really good guy.

[He turns to offer Fern a nervous smile. He doesn't know all of the other boy's experiences with terrible fathers- but even so, he's pretty damn certain Amal wouldn't be one of those. ]

So yeah. I- I'm gonna take him up on it.

[Fern nods a little. Varian seems serious about this, and he wants to be supportive, so he places a hand overtop of one of Varian's.]

Cool. I'm happy for you.

[He grins, lifting his other fist up. Thorns grow all over his fingers.]

And if he turns out to be a huge donkus I'm gonna punch his lights out.

[He's got your back, don't worry!!!]

[Varian is very glad for the support. This means the world to him, but so does Fern. He wants to feel safe and happy he's made the right decision. So he turns his hand, so he can take hold of Fern's and give it a little squeeze.]

Thanks, I'm really happy too. He cares about me a lot and-

[Oh lord and here comes the violence. ]

Hah, I don't think you need to do that. I don't think he will? He...he cares about you, too, you know. He wants us to have a home here. There's a shed for me to work and- and I'm sure he'd be happy to do...sword stuff with you. He uh...he did offer to use money to get us a place to live in different apartments...not Zodiac ones. But.. I think I'd like to give this place a try first, y'know? I mean, if you think so too.

[He likes it here. Sure they don't have a place to themselves anymore, but he's felt so much safer here, surrounded by people. He knows a part of it is the pesky wolf brain, desperate to have others around all the time, but it's also just...nice.]

It might just be...nice to have a home, y'know? For both of us.

[This is all sounding pretty good, and it's not like Amal has been sketchy in the time they've been here. In his opinion, Fern thinks it'll take some time for things to shake out before he's super comfortable, but things are getting off on the right foot. He nods at all of this, humming and dropping his hand back down.]

Yeah. Not gonna lie, I'm not really itching to go back to some apartment after all this junk. [He makes a face.] Especially not a Zodiac one, that's out of the question.

[So they're agreed on the 'no Zodiac apartments' point.]

Staying here's been pretty nice. If we're not horning in on their space, then... I don't mind staying here a while longer. [Or, like, permanently, if things go super well.]

Yeah...no. I definitely don't want to be living in a place controlled by those guys ever again.

[Amal has been a pretty damn solid presence in Varian's life, and he does want this. A chance to have a normal-ish home and a normal-ish life. If Fern wasn't for it, he might hesitate, his boyfriend's comfort is important to him too. So he's very glad to hear Fern is on board. He lets out a breath he wasn't aware he was holding. ]

I do like it here. It really has been pretty nice. But...thanks. Your opinion about it means a lot, too.

[Fern notices the exhale, and softens a little. Varian was taking this really seriously, and he's just glad he didn't somehow screw it up.]

Hey, I'm glad you asked. You didn't have to, all of this is your decision. And it's a big one, huh?

I wanted your thoughts on it too, we're a team. And- and I value your opinion.

[He smiles, nodding.]

A really big one. But it- it feels good, y'know? Like... a step in the right direction.

[Aw, his smile softens at that.]

Thanks, V.

[He nods a little.]

I get it. If I were you, I'd be terrified.

You know, I think it was less terrifying and more...I don't know.

[He picks at his arm, giving a soft shrug of his shoulders.]

...Just realising someone wanted to adopt me like that. Like...willingly wanting to parent me. Even knowing everything I've done. It was... weird. To be wanted. I'm still trying to get my head around it, honestly.

[Amal could have picked any puppy in the pound and he picked the one that was sitting in the back of his kennel, chewing a hole in the wall and running away whenever anyone got within touching distance. He could've picked a less fucked up puppy and he didn't.]

Yeah. Knowing someone actually wants you around like that....

[He hasn't felt that since Joshua died, back when he was Finn, so... he hasn't gotten to feel that as Fern. It's weird, thinking about that.]

So he knows the full story?

It's...it feels good, you know? A little too good to be true, but I trust him not to pull the rug out from under me on this one.

[He deeply hopes Fern can get this feeling too, one day. Being wanted. Varian wants him him HIS life, of course, but being wanted by a boyfriend and being wanted by a father figure are two very, very different things. ]

Yeah. I told him about a month after I told you. He's had a pretty rough past too, so it...helped. He was really understanding.

[Fern nods slightly. He knows what that feeling is like, even if it turned out to be totally bunk. But he trusts Varian's judgement here and that's what matters.]

Really? That's great! [You know, considering the circumstances. If Amal could accept Varian's past, then that's a step in the right direction.] Geez, so he's known for a long time.

Yeah, a really long time, and all he's always had my back despite everything. He's a good guy. I'm lucky yo have him.

[He smiles, giving Fern's hand a little squeeze.]

I'm lucky to have both of you.

Hey, we're lucky to have you. [He huffs a little.] Dunno what I'd do if you weren't here. I'm happy to do whatever you need me to to help make sure all this stuff works, okay?

Oh...thanks.

[Look at him, trying to be better about not immediately dismissing his loved ones saying they feel lucky to have him in their lives. The therapy's doing something!]

And I appreciate that a lot. You being here helps a ton.

[Good job, Varian!!]

Hah, geez. [Fern looks sheepish at that, but he nods.] It's no biggie.

[Varian leans in to press a kiss on Fern's forehead.]

Yes, biggie. You didn't have to stick by me through all this mess, but you did anyway.

Because you're worth it. [Fern leans in, returning the kiss on Varian's lips.] You're always gonna be worth it.

[Oh. Well. That sure makes Varian's heart flutter. He's already been feeling pretty loved today and this acts as a serious boost to that. He returns the kiss, his fingers moving to tangle in Fern's hair. He lets the kiss linger a little longer than usual, and when he pulls back, it's not far.]

Thank you. You're- you're always gonna be worth it to me, too.

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