laminae | Tangled AU

Tangled AU

Fern's first memories are painful ones. The first thing he feels is like he's dying, which might sound like a contradiction but makes sense within the context of his creation. Rapunzel's voice echoes throughout the Great Tree, the Decaying Incantation killing the once great being, and in a last ditch attempt to avoid death, either by the Tree itself or Zhan Tiri's influence, the slowly fading embers of its life force are pumped into whatever plant life it can reach. Of course, the Incantation still hits most of it, and every single one of those plants wither away into nothingness all the same.

Everything, that is, except for a small patch of grass. It fades like the rest, but one last spark of life enters as the Incantation is abruptly cut off by the impulsive actions of one Handmaiden, and it remains. As the group moves on towards the Dark Kingdom, and Adira drags Hector off to bandage his injuries, that patch of grass comes to life.

It's painful, suddenly wrenched into sentient consciousness thanks to a spell designed to kill. Like an explosion of death and decay all around him, threatening to smother him the very second he started existing. With no eyes and ears he can't tell what's going on around him, and with no mouth and lungs he can't cry out, so he can do nothing but fight back and push through the agony until it subsides into a dull ache.

He's weak at first, and the remains of the Tree overhead block out any sunlight he could have used to grow stronger. Still, the grass twitches and curls and gradually bundles itself together into a ball, and then after more time something more person-shaped. It's a rough approximation of the body the Great Tree had possessed shortly before its death, and since those memories are strongest in his mind that's what he goes with: two arms, two legs, a head, a body, two eyes and two ears, a nose, a mouth. Something vaguely human and at the same time distinctly not, something that allows him to more freely move around, find a patch of sunlight, and regain some strength. Human senses follow, again based on vague memories that aren't really his, and over the next few months he finds his footing in the complete and total disaster that is Being Alive. He doesn't start living, though, until the man the Tree had possessed finally returns to his long-destroyed home.

~

Beyond the Tree a whirlwind of events happen, not limited to the near total destruction of a kingdom, the rise of an ancient demon, and the reuniting of two cosmic powers. To say a lot has happened is a total understatement, and frankly, Hector is just glad to get out of there, away from people. He always did better with animals, and he has some literal and metaphorical wounds to lick. Turns out getting mind controlled twice is a horrifying experience, who knew.

He is, technically, back at the site of the Tree per Edmund's orders. Before he and Edmund and Adira had left Corona there was talk of building up a proper road of some sort to better connect the two kingdoms, and that would obviously involve clearing out the Tree's remains to make the area more amenable to horses and wagons. Unlike the rest of them, though, he doesn't particularly care about any of that. This was his home for many, many years, and he isn't so eager to raze what's left of it in the name of friendship and progress. So he goes, but he goes because being around the epitome of sunshine is a lot to deal with, and he needs to get away from all of that. All of those people. He needs a metaphorical dark hole where he can be alone with his rhino and his binturongs and all he has to worry about is survival of the fittest.

So it's a big downer to find someone else has taken up residence in his home. It goes without saying that as soon as his binturongs catch the scent that something is off Hector is on the hunt, and then it's only a matter of time before he's ambushing one residual plant monster he assumes is being controlled by Zhan Tiri. Or is Zhan Tiri, whichever. He doesn't care, he's just happy to get a good fight in. The creature is bizarre and learns quickly, mimicking him in the span of only a few minutes and creating a hardened blade out of vine, similar to his own retractable gauntlet sword. The thing fights fiercely, but mimicry isn't a replacement for actual skill and experience, and it isn't long before Hector gets the upper hand. And once he does, the creature starts falling apart, fighting more and more like a cornered animal. As it tires out he gradually finds himself comparing the creature more to his animals than the cunning and deliberate Zhan Tiri. Still, he doesn't hesitate in chopping its head off, ending the battle.

.... Except that doesn't take at all, and while the creature finally backs off it doesn't actually die. It regrows and reattaches its head, then scrambles up some old vines out of his reach to hiss at him. Sort of like an upset cat that's been dunked in a river instead of some demonic monster. It's hardly the most threatening thing... in fact, it's actually a little funny.

Thus began the strange, feral relationship between Hector and a small grass creature. A few more fights occur, though nothing quite as serious as the first one, and each time the creature retreats before he can chop another body part off. It becomes increasingly clear that this thing, while obviously magical, doesn't seem to be an agent of Zhan Tiri. He even learns the damn thing can talk and eat food, after one unfortunate night when he let his guard down while cooking a rabbit he had caught. It was roasting on a spit over a fire, and he had dozed off for all of two minutes, and the creature had snuck past the animals to steal it. He had gone after it, cursing up a storm, and it had responded with some equally vociferous curses. After that night, it had apparently decided that speaking to him was safe enough, and it started doing so.

Though they were less conversations, and more it demanding to know what Hector was doing on any given day. The demands start out simple enough, wanting to know more about eating (makes sense, it's obviously a plant), but grow more complicated over time - how did you build that trap for dinner, what's that thing on your arm, why is it called a sword, how did you get the sword.

There are a lot of sword questions, and one day the creature reappears holding Demanitus's enchanted spear. Hector had thought that thing had gotten buried in the rubble of the Great Tree when it collapsed, but apparently this thing had been doing some digging.

It's gradual, but Hector even starts answering some of them. Mostly the questions about weaponry, and when he does his answers are usually bitingly sharp or mocking, but they're still answers, and the creature accepts them with the kind of curiosity you normally only see in kids. It's a tenuous foundation, but it's there and over time it becomes more solid, to the point where Hector finds he doesn't even mind having the grass.... kid.... thing around. He stays out of his way when he's in a bad mood, and he's aggressive and won't hesitate to fight, and the kid is clearly growing more attached to him (though, that might be because there isn't anyone else around). It's still strange, but it isn't the worst thing ever, and it's certainly preferable to being surrounded by actual people.

When the weather starts to cool down Hector leaves him some proper clothes (patched together, with more animal furs than necessary), and at some point their occasional fights shift from impulsive bursts of violence to actual training and sparring. Hector can't even remember when he started giving the kid a nickname, but he did at some point, if only because he needed something short when telling him off, and 'grass monster' was too much of a mouthful.

~

It doesn't last.

Hector had been keeping in contact with Edmund and Adira via letters sent and received by Hamuel during his time at the Tree. He hadn't mentioned Fern - there didn't seem to be much of a point, if he wasn't connected to Zhan Tiri - though he did offhandedly say the spear had been recovered. Unfortunately, he one day receives word from a very tired Hamuel that Edmund is ordering him back to the Dark Kingdom proper to assist with rebuilding efforts, and to leave the spear in Corona with Quirin's son, apparently some kind of genius alchemist similar to Demanitus himself. He has absolutely no desire to take the kid with him, though efforts to simply leave don't come so easily when Fern starts following him, so he does the first thing that comes to mind.

He tries to ditch him. Several times. But it turns out it isn't so easy to ditch a kid made out of grass in forests, so as soon as he meets up with Adira he tries to pawn him off onto her. That doesn't go so well, either. That leaves him with two options: take him to the Dark Kingdom, or dump him with Quirin.

He chooses the latter, and does it in the most spectacularly low effort way possible. Taking Fern with him, he makes a rapid trip to Old Corona, showing up late one night on Quirin's doorstep with absolutely no notice. He tells Fern a few simple lies to make him stay put long enough to get away, then knocks on Quirin's door. Quirin is, understandably, not thrilled with this arrangement, but Hector doesn't give him any options. After a very quick (and lacking) explanation of what's going on the guy books it out of there on his rhino, leaving Fern standing there on his doorstep, spear in hand. As exasperated as Quirin is, he can't very leave just leave... whatever this thing is... like Hector just did, so he sends word to Varian that the spear is currently in his possession and lets Fern stay. It takes Fern a few days to feel comfortable enough to even go inside the house, and while that isn't the best situation (his presence has a tendency to terrify the Old Corona citizens), Quirin figures he can get this sorted out before Varian arrives.

He's being far too optimistic, though in the meantime he does manage to persuade Fern indoors during a particularly heavy and cold rain, even letting him use Varian's bed for the moment. Just until he can get ahold of literally anyone else in the Brotherhood.

So that's where Fern is tonight. He isn't used to sleeping on a bed but it's a lot softer and more comfortable than the ground, so he doesn't mind. The faint aroma of chemicals bothers him more, honestly, and he tries to ignore it as he burrows further until the blankets.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

The last few months had been pretty intense. Rebuilding Corona from the mess Cassandra and Zhan Tiri had made of it had been a big job. Everyone had pitched in, of course, but it had still taken time to get the kingdom back to what it once was. Or... perhaps, it was something better, these days. Something different to what it had been. Fewer secrets, fewer lies.

When Rapunzel had declared Varian the Royal Engineer, he'd been surprised- he still wasn't completely sure he deserved it. Sure, the people of the Kingdom had forgiven him- if nothing else, fighting beside them in that final battle had swayed the few left behind who had their doubts about his reformation. But Varian still had plenty of demons, and he'd tried to argue the posting with the Princess. She'd had none of it, of course, and told him he was the only one she trusted to get the job done.

And so he did. As the Royal Engineer, helping with Corona's rebuilding had been a project he'd headed- and Varian doubts aside, always had big plans. Now he had complete access to the tunnel system that spanned the length of the Kingdom, he could put his hot water project back on- finally, bring the people hot running water. All the people, every single one of them. That had taken months, but eventually, he'd managed it and put Corona ahead of the rest of the Seven Kingdoms pretty damn solidly.

It had meant he hadn't had much time for personal projects. And while his father had often come to the capitol to visit him and see how he was- he had his own duties in Old Corona to attend to. Varian had dropped by when he could, but this particular project had eaten so much of his time that he hadn't had the chance to make the journey to his childhood home. When he got word that the spear had turned up back home, he'd been pretty excited to see it. Something to study that might shed some light on the Dark Kingdom. On the Great Tree. On... well, just about anything.

So, eventually, he manages to get some time off from his duties. He uses one of the palace horses and carts laden with supplies and correspondence from the capitol, to make the day-long journey to the edges of the Kingdom. To Old Corona, Ruddiger faithfully perched beside him. The rain is an unexpected problem. It lengthens the journey, with more than once Varian having to drop down from the cart to release it from a muddy rut in the road. He makes a mental note that he will need to fix the roads next. Maybe find some new surface that will repel water. But those are ideas for another day.

When he finally makes it home, it's much later than he intended. It's already well into the night, and Varian doesn't want to wake Quirin up when they can have a reunion in the morning. Besides, he's wet and muddy and tired. He just wants to sleep. So he gets the cart put away and tends to the horse, before making his way into the house properly. He kicks off his muddy boots at the door and makes the turn into the little turret that houses his bedroom. He opens the door as quietly as he can, lest he rouses his father, and steps inside, closing the door just as quietly. Ruddiger starts chittering angrily from his shoulder- very aware of the something else in Varian's room.

"Ruddiger, shhhh, you'll wake Dad up."

And without so much as checking the bed first, he drops to sit on it, not realising it's occupied until he realises he's actually sitting ON someone.

Fern doesn't budge an inch for most of the night, not even when the front door opens and someone - two people, technically - step inside. He's normally a light sleeper, it's kind of a necessary when you're living with Hector of all people, but the siren song of a comfy, warm, dry bed has been too much and he's passed out completely. He doesn't even hear the bedroom door opening and closing, though the chittering and whispering causes him to twitch a tiny bit. His sleep is a dreamless one for once, and his body is resisting his mind's urge to wake him at the strange noises.

So it isn't until a weight drops down on him that he suddenly snaps awake. This happens sometimes, either the bearcats have gotten restless or Hector's in a mood and wants a fight, so Fern reacts instinctively. Grabbing whatever it is that's on top of him, he tries to shove it off with an angry hiss and roll backwards, to get some distance between them and get into a fighting stance. Simple, right?

Except he really, really isn't used to being in a bed. Before he fell asleep he had bundled himself up in the blankets, and now that's become something of a detriment to his movements. Instead of getting prepared for a fight he just manages to tangle himself up, which results in more flailing, and getting even more tangled, and there's going to be some very colourful swears coming from this supposed bedmonster.

This is definitely not something Varian was expecting to happen to him tonight. It's probably a good thing all his own alchemy bombs are at his backpack at the door- and he's too half-asleep to put up a half-decent fight. He does stagger to his feet, though, arms pinwheeling away at the bedmonster that's just IN HIS BED.

Ruddiger chitters angrily, leaping from Varian's shoulder to hang onto a ceiling rafter, peering down at the thing covered in blankets swearing up a storm. He takes a few steps back, eyes wide. What in the actual fuck is going on?!!

"Wh- who are you? Why are you in my bed?"

Eventually the bedmonster that is Fern gets tired of being trapped and decides to take matters into his hands. Literally. He forms a sword in one hand, then quickly slashes the bedsheets into ribbons. That allows him to poke his head out of the pile, glaring at the intruder and the animal up in the rafters.

Whoever this guy is he's going to get it!! As soon as he claws his way out of the shredded bedding, which he is doing, trying to clamber to his feet. "I was sleeping! Who are you and what are you doing here??" He snaps back, offended and now all keyed up.

AND NOW THERE'S A SWORD?!!!

Varian is tumbling back further, casting a look at the door- maybe he can get to an alchemy bomb and protect himself from whatever the fuck is in his room and ripping up his bedclothes. It does not help that the face peering back at him is green and definitely not human at all- he's expecting to make a run for it and then it SPEAKS as it climbs out of his sheets. It? Him??

"I'm Varian and this is my room???2 he offers incredulously. "Why are you sleeping in my bed? What- what are you?"

Scientific curiosity is slipping between the cracks of his defences a little. He's still loud, though, and he can hear the sounds of movement in his house- maybe his dad is waking up?

Of course there is a sword. Why wouldn't there be a sword???

As Varian steps back Fern steps forward aggressively, scowling. He may or may not be advancing on him like, you know, an angry person with a sword would do.

"This isn't your bed or your room, this is Quirin's!" Obviously, since Quirin is the one who lives here. This is all his stuff. He opens his mouth to snap some more, but he catches the sounds outside the bedroom and freezes instead. Aw geez, waking up Hector when he was asleep always ended very, very badly for him, and he's assuming the same of Quirin.

So he quiets his voice down to an angry hiss. "Great, you woke him up!"

Varian honestly just wanted a nice sleep in his own bed after a long day of travelling in a torrential downpour. That's all he wanted. And now he has some green guy yelling at him and waving a sword at him.

"That's my dad! This - this is my room!!"

He hears the sound of Quirin's footsteps and relief floods his expression in contrast to Fern's fear. He does catch that fear though- what happened here? Did this creature attack his dad? Has he been stalking him? Is he supposed to be here at all? He doubts it.

Quirin opens the door to a BARRAGE of these questions. The man stands, dumbfounded for a moment as Varian lets loose a torrent. Why is there a person in his bed? Why can he make a sword out of nothing? Why is he green? Is Quirin being held hostage? Does he need to send word to Eugene to get the guard involved? Is he hurt? What the holy heck is going on?!!!

Quirin for his part looks pretty confused and tired by the whole thing. But at least he doesn't bring whatever punishment Fern seems to be expecting upon him. His adoptive brother, he most certainly is not. Instead, he heaves out a sigh, moving to sit bodily on a chair, starting to explain everything that is going on.

Quirin looks very, very tired about all of this, but at least he's relatively patient in trying to get Varian to calm down. Unfortunately for Varian, he has very few actual answers for him, and even fewer ones that are scientific. He explains that Hector, one of the members of the Dark Brotherhood (and the guy on the rhino during the battle with Zhan Tiri) found Fern at the remains of the Great Tree. And, he's trying to put this in a way that doesn't make Hector sound like a completely neglectful jerk, because both he and Adira were needed in the rebuilding of the Dark Kingdom, he had to leave him here with Demanitus's spear. It's complicated and there are matters that take precedence over figuring out what Fern is, so he's staying here for the moment.

Fern, to his credit, is quiet the entire time, though he's pretty on edge about all of this. He isn't used to being indoors for this long, he isn't used to being around people who aren't Hector, he isn't used to people talking about him, and this whole situation is just very much out of his comfort zone in a can't-solve-the-problem-by-stabbing-it kind of way. It's weird, standing here and seeing everything get talked out instead of a fight breaking out. He's uncomfortable enough that it means he doesn't retract his grass sword the entire time, and has to resist the urge to fidget with it.

With that lacking information relayed, Quirin suggests that he move Fern downstairs for the rest of the night, so that they can all get some rest and figure this out in the morning. Fern is pretty low maintenance as far as sleeping goes, so as long as he isn't getting tossed outside them he's fine with it. A floor isn't all that different from sleeping on the ground. He shrugs and nods and, now realizing that there isn't going to actually be any fighting, lets his grass sword unform.

He's still totally glaring at Varian, though. This jerk interrupted his sleep and Quirin's sleep and is making everything complicated.

Varian shifts uneasily as he listens to his father explain, as best he can, everything that's happened. Though it's water under the bridge at this point, anything concerning the Brotherhood makes an uneasy churning in his stomach. This was something Quirin had covered up for his entire life. Only sharing it when it had already been blown out of the water. Had Varian known anything about the Brotherhood, about the Dark Kingdom from the start... well. Maybe he wouldn't have taken the paths he did.

But he puts the pieces together, occasionally looking at the green boy- connected to the Great Tree then, likely whatever's left of it. And this is where the spear came from, too, he guesses. Hmm. His mind is buzzing- this is too close to magic for his comfort, but that's not stopped him before. He came here expecting to study the spear. Now it looks like he has something extra to study too. Someone. Someone.

He does notice the plant being doesn't put the sword away immediately, and that's worrying. He knows his dad can handle it, but he's moving a little closer to Quirin during the explanation all the same. Just in case. Eventually, though, he gets as good an explanation as he can for the night. It's late and he's tired. He feels a little guilt for the creature having to sleep on the floor.

"I mean- I can find you some extra blankets or something, I guess?"

It's said honestly, despite all the rude glaring that's going on.

Fern notices Varian's slight shifting and his glare gets a little harder. Yeah right, a noodle like him? He could totally take him in a fight. It's his fault there's this mess going on, if he hadn't sat on him then they'd still be getting a full night of sleep and not talking about dumb things involving his existence and what a bizarre mystery it is.

"Thank you, son," Quirin says with a tired smile, rising from the chair and settling a large hand on Varian's shoulder. It's definitely one of those nice familial moments between father and son, and seeing it has Fern folding his arms tightly and glancing away awkwardly. That's not the kind of relationship he ever had with Hector - he could never picture Hector actually looking proud of him like Quirin does with this other kid. With his son.

Fern turns and heads downstairs, leaving the two of them to gather whatever bedding is needed. He doesn't know, they can figure it out. It's their house.

Varian's eyebrows rise slowly at the glare. He's not the most socially welcoming people at the best of times here. There's a reason he spends most of his time in the kingdom's catacombs, avoiding everyone. He really doesn't have fantastic social skills and his back is already with the sword waving and all this hissing and yelling. The glare is not helping.

Luckily, Quirin's praise acts as a fantastic distraction, and it does bring a smile to his face. He doesn't notice Fern's reaction to it, or how he books it out. Varian does take the time, once he realises that Fern has left, to talk quietly with his father, to be doubly sure he's safe and this isn't some sort of hostage situation. Once reassured that it's strange but largely safe, Varian relaxes.

Once he gathers the bedding needed, he pads downstairs to look for the new houseguest/interloper. As he comes across him, he raises his arms full of blankets and pillows for the other boy to see. Like a peace offering. Kind of.

"Uh. Hey. I got you some stuff to get some stuff. Where'd you want to be set up?"

Getting out of that bedroom doesn't have Fern feeling any better. He had thought having a few minutes alone would let him get over the awkward emotions that were bubbling up as he watched Quirin and Varian, but being on his own only seems to be making them worse. The two of them, father and son, keeps repeating in his head.

He doesn't have that. He's never had that. Why he should even care is beyond him, and that confusion just piles in with the envy and frustration and makes his head hurt.

While he waits for them he heads over to the front door, opening it a tiny bit to peer outside. The rain is still pouring down, so finding a tree to sleep in isn't going to happen. Looks like he's stuck here for the rest of the night. Fun. Just what he wants.

Closing the door, he makes a noise like a sigh and leans against the wall, slowly sinking downwards until he's sitting on the floor. If this rain keeps up he's mulling over making a break for the nearest barn, at least that way he'd still have somewhere dry to sleep. Or maybe he should just leave and try to go find Hector? He could probably track him, it couldn't be that difficult....

He puts those thoughts on hold when Varian comes down holding the bedding. Glancing up at him, he quickly stands, looks around, then just gestures at the floor right there in front of the door. "Here's okay," he says. At least this way if the rain lets up he can head out pretty fast.

The fact Varian is so goddamn fatigued is the only thing stopping him from asking a billion questions. From what he gathered from Quirin, the plant guy doesn't have much more understanding of how and why he exists than the rest of them. But he's sure if he asks the right questions, he can figure something out. After the trip, though, his brain is exhausted static. He'll save the questions for the morning.

He looks down where Fern pointed, brow furrowing a little. That... does not look comfortable. Perhaps is the boy is a plant, his concept of comfortable is different to his own, but he was snuggled up in his bed not that long ago, so Varian assumes he must have some desire to be comfy.

"...Are you sure? It's cold and damp there. I could make some space on a chair or something? It'd be off the ground and it'd be way more comfortable than the floor."

Fern looks from the floor to Varian and back to the floor and finally back to Varian, his brow knitting together. It looks fine to him, it isn't mud or anything, so what's the problem?

"I don't know," he says with a shrug, before stepping forward to take the bedding. "Seems okay to me. Dunno why you even care."

He dumps the bedding unceremoniously on the floor, nudging the pile a bit with one claw toe. There. A perfect bed.

Varian lets the boy take the bedding, arching an eyebrow as he just makes a bed-nest with his little claw feet. He probably stares at them for a little too long, before blinking up, clearing his throat. Right.

"Uh, I care because even if I don't want you suddenly in my bed where I want to sleep, I don't want you to be uncomfortable. "

He looks at the pile again, that... doesn't look great.

"The floor's gonna be really cold. Don't you at least want to go on the rug?"

Having looked back over at Varian, Fern notices the staring. It's weird, and it takes him a second to realize what exactly the other boy is staring at, but when he does he's hit with a wave of discomfort. He flushes a little, self-consciously curling his toes, and suddenly feeling a whole lot less argumentative.

"Fine. Okay, I'll sleep on the rug," he practically snaps, quickly scooping the bedding up again. He has to scoot around Varian to get to the rug, but he does so and drops the bedding there, making sure it shift behind it so his feet are now covered by the blankets. "Happy?"

As the other boy flushes, Varian certainly catches that wave and for a brief, horrible moment, he feels the same awkward fumbling mess he was a few years ago around Cassandra. That's... both unexpected and unwelcome and he can feel his own cheeks heating up out of awkward embarrassment. It's fine. It's nothing.

He shifts a little to let Fern through, blinking down at the pile and the suddenly hidden feet- he'd definitely been caught out staring. It takes him a moment to find words again and he doesn't like that one bit. He clears his throat, rubbing his back of his neck.

"...Yeah. That's... probably better," he should... probably go to bed. "Um. Look. I think we got off on the wrong-"

His eyes widen. He clears his throat, then he offers his hand.

"Start over? Hi, I'm Varian."

He was hoping that acquiescing on the rug thing would be enough to make Varian go back to bed, but no dice apparently. Then again... he hadn't exactly felt great when he had been down here alone with his thoughts, so maybe it's a good thing the other boy is awkwardly sticking around and clearing his throat a lot. Then again, the foot staring was weird and uncomfortable.

Ugh, he's confused. This sucks.

Fern looks down at the hand being offered to him and furrows his brow, even more confused. What... what is he doing. His gaze turns a little suspicious (is he supposed to give him something??) before he meets Varian's eyes, folding his arms instead. "... Fern. I'm Fern."

None of this is how Varian thought his night would go in all honesty. It's definitely a... weirder night. Not as weird as some of the adventures he's been dragged on, of course, but still pretty damn weird. He looks down at his hand as it's not taken... okay, that's- odd.

"Nice to meet you, Fern," he looks up from his hand to the boy, then down again. "Uhhhh did...did Hector not teach you about shaking hands?"

Even as he says it he knows that obviously, no, Hector did not teach Fern about shaking hands. His uncle probably uses some weird dominance display to greet people like a wild animal or something.

"Look, you take my hand in yours," he reaches a little closer, but doesn't actually take Fern's hand- that seems like a good way to get stabbed. "Okay? You do that."

It's definitely a weird night for both of them. Fern gives a tiny shrug at that question because yes, Hector absolutely did not teach him basic human niceties like shaking hands. This is looking like an invitation to get ambushed, honestly. He's sus.

He's still eyeing Varian's hand, but since he's reasonably confident he could toss him around like a noodle if it came to a fight he reluctantly decides to give whatever this is a try. Unfolding his arms, he reaches a hand out to grab Varian's. He is bizarrely strong for being made out of grass, and he's clutching the other boy's hand like he's going to throw him or something. "Okay, now what?"

"Oh...wow, that's a grip."

One day Varian might learn to filter thoughts that come into his head before they make an exit via his mouth. Today is not that day. He's just gonna.. sail by that, it's fine, he's pretty sure a guy who doesn't know how to shake hands is going to be all that bothered by his social faux-pases.

"Anyway. Now you kinda... shake your hand up and down- slowly, like this-" he moves his arm up and down. "See?"

"Thanks, I guess," he responds, raising his eyebrows a bit. The gawkiness isn't getting past him, despite his lack of exposure to general human manners. He looks down at their hands, shaking Varian's in return when he indicates, and looking thoroughly unimpressed.

"Is this it?" He asks. Sure, the whole name of it would mean some kind of shaking, but this... feels like it's lacking.

"Yup. That's pretty much it. Standard human greeting."

Okay, he's just gonna... let go now. One smooth movement, like a pro. That's fine. He managed to teach a social action to someone, Rapunzel would be so proud of him.

"Uh. Anyway. Yeah," okay he's doing great here. "So. Nice to meet you. Again. Sorry about the... bed thing."

Fern will let go when Varian makes the move to, though he does so a lot more awkwardly. Like he still thinks this is bizarre and doesn't quite get the point of it, but is going along because... whatever. Varian seems intent on it, so it's fine, he guesses.

He drops his hand back to his side, giving a small shrug. "Uh, nice to meet you. The bed thing's fine, Quirin didn't think you'd get here until tomorrow, so...."

They were just unlucky, is all.

"...Yeah."

He rubs the back of his neck, feeling the awkwardness wash over him again. It's weird and he doesn't know what to make of it. He thought he was largely over his awkward, bumbling attempts at socialisation, but clearly not.

"I was trying to beat the storm. Probably should have stopped at the Snuggly Duckling when I realised it wasn't gonna get any better, but I decided to just keep going anyway."

Because he's stubborn and stupid and has an inability to back down once he's set his mind to something.

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